4:18 AM Sunday, June 27, 2010
I wanted to continue listening some soothing songs. But realized I can't bear them anymore. The only thing I can do is just update this blog of mine. Rant everything here since (L) is away. Since I really can't share with anyone. Not that I can't share but I just can't open my mouth and start telling them im sad and all. I just don't know why.
Well, like I say. Things aren't good to me this month. Still haven't had a really very good 2010. Everythings toppling down one by one. I can't turn to my broken family. Yes, broken. I hate everything's going on between me and mummy nowadays. Since few days ago I had a tiff with her, her words kept lingering in my ears. But it's unfair to me. She didn't realized what she did to me past years till I ran away from home trying to escape everything. But, she searched for me and things went fine. But now, it started again. Im treated very unfairly. Yes im the most troublesome stubborn child of yours. Can't you see the changes I made since I was a troublemaker when I was only in primary school? I've changed for the best. I try to earn money for living for my own. To cover my expenses. I can't depend on you and abang anymore. You're treating me like a child who doesn't need anything already. You told me to stop saying im stress cause you're suffering more than I do. Yes I know but can't you understand me at this point of time? I lost dad. Not really lost but he's away and will only come back after years from now. You told me to put you and him first. Whereby before I do anything, think the both of you who had fed and stand by me until im 8teen. Did you ever think back who took care of me when im small? When I start to know what's going on. Do you realize that I've grown up and pull through some obstacles without my parents? You could only afford to give me cash to fulfill my dream but you were never there for me. You were never there. I've been growing up and learnt being independent. Did you realized since when? I bet you don't. All I wanted was a little of your time and your attention even a little. Everytime we had a tiff, you would always assume and jump to conclusions. You always left me with nothing but harsh words. Almost everyone's saying I have an awesome patience mum. Yeaps true enough but you're treating me unfairly. I hope one day, when dad returns, everything will change. I hope you two realized how much you've done to me. Im trying to do my part as a daughter. For dad, visiting and praying would only help us. For mum, help her around. I cried that night when I had tiff with you. I cried the whole night till I fell asleep. I miss dad so much. I miss everything good that happens to us. For myself, I could only turn to Wan.
Relationship wise. Things are well except this evening. The tiff over something stupid. Very stupid. Im just stressed. Im very stressed that Wan almost slap me and kick me and anything else. He dragged me till my wrist is swollen. I even pinched him times to let me go and stop hurting me. Im just so sad. I feel stressed. I just don't know why my mouth seems not to tell him what's wrong with him. Gosh. Im speechless. Im sorry Muhd Hazwan )':
I've got much more things to say but I just feel like not typing it here. Im a strong girl. I know I can pull through all this. I don't need anything else now. All I can say is I seek God to give me the strength to face all this. I know I will make it one day.
)': I love you dad. I love you mum. )':
Lastly, I love you Muhd Hazwan.
)':
