4:18 AM Sunday, June 27, 2010
I wanted to continue listening some soothing songs. But realized I can't bear them anymore. The only thing I can do is just update this blog of mine. Rant everything here since (L) is away. Since I really can't share with anyone. Not that I can't share but I just can't open my mouth and start telling them im sad and all. I just don't know why.
Well, like I say. Things aren't good to me this month. Still haven't had a really very good 2010. Everythings toppling down one by one. I can't turn to my broken family. Yes, broken. I hate everything's going on between me and mummy nowadays. Since few days ago I had a tiff with her, her words kept lingering in my ears. But it's unfair to me. She didn't realized what she did to me past years till I ran away from home trying to escape everything. But, she searched for me and things went fine. But now, it started again. Im treated very unfairly. Yes im the most troublesome stubborn child of yours. Can't you see the changes I made since I was a troublemaker when I was only in primary school? I've changed for the best. I try to earn money for living for my own. To cover my expenses. I can't depend on you and abang anymore. You're treating me like a child who doesn't need anything already. You told me to stop saying im stress cause you're suffering more than I do. Yes I know but can't you understand me at this point of time? I lost dad. Not really lost but he's away and will only come back after years from now. You told me to put you and him first. Whereby before I do anything, think the both of you who had fed and stand by me until im 8teen. Did you ever think back who took care of me when im small? When I start to know what's going on. Do you realize that I've grown up and pull through some obstacles without my parents? You could only afford to give me cash to fulfill my dream but you were never there for me. You were never there. I've been growing up and learnt being independent. Did you realized since when? I bet you don't. All I wanted was a little of your time and your attention even a little. Everytime we had a tiff, you would always assume and jump to conclusions. You always left me with nothing but harsh words. Almost everyone's saying I have an awesome patience mum. Yeaps true enough but you're treating me unfairly. I hope one day, when dad returns, everything will change. I hope you two realized how much you've done to me. Im trying to do my part as a daughter. For dad, visiting and praying would only help us. For mum, help her around. I cried that night when I had tiff with you. I cried the whole night till I fell asleep. I miss dad so much. I miss everything good that happens to us. For myself, I could only turn to Wan.
Relationship wise. Things are well except this evening. The tiff over something stupid. Very stupid. Im just stressed. Im very stressed that Wan almost slap me and kick me and anything else. He dragged me till my wrist is swollen. I even pinched him times to let me go and stop hurting me. Im just so sad. I feel stressed. I just don't know why my mouth seems not to tell him what's wrong with him. Gosh. Im speechless. Im sorry Muhd Hazwan )':
I've got much more things to say but I just feel like not typing it here. Im a strong girl. I know I can pull through all this. I don't need anything else now. All I can say is I seek God to give me the strength to face all this. I know I will make it one day.
)': I love you dad. I love you mum. )':
Lastly, I love you Muhd Hazwan.
)':
2:19 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DHIYANAAA!
Enjoy your 9teen! I love you so much babe!
Things are toppling down but im staying calm and ready to go through all of it. I may be on the verge of crying or bursting out everything. But when thought back, the problem lies in me. Therefore, I will pull through sooner or later. All I need is strength and (L) is my motivation to make me stay calm.
Im not using my current number. I'll be changing to a new one. Will keep the temporary number low cause I don't want to be 24/7 texting or calling.
Okay, proper update soon. Im plain lazy.
Nights. (L), ily. And im sorry for just now )':
2:48 PM Monday, June 14, 2010
Hi CHEAPBITCH!
This post is specially for you.
I've been wanting to post something but just got not time for it.
You're just another typical cheapbitch I've known and doesn't appreciate us. For all I've seen you're just worthless. You're going for peeple who are not worth for you bitch. Losing you is like nothing to me. I've got the rest who are worth staying and make me feel appreciated. Because of you, people thought (L) was like those jerks. But sadly, people known the truth and yes, im happy you're criticised so much by them. Im glad people know the real you. It's okay seeing the rest smiling at me and you showing me that cheapbitch face of yours to me. Cause the fact you've yet to know what's going on. The fact, im not in the thing that is going on. A cheapbitch like you don't deserve our respect cause it's worthless. :D Im not stating your name here for a reason. I don't want to create a conflict that was supposingly doesn't involve me but had to involve us because of one of your love ones. So takecare.
Bye cheapbitch.
Siape makan cili, dierlah terase pedas!
Okay best. :D
2:26 PM
Last week was okay. Yet to have plans this week.
My weekends are close to awesome.
Cousin came over and we hang out till the next morning with my lil bro and (L). Dhiyana hang out a while. Chill at cousin friend house till morning. Was excited for clubbing that night @ Insomnia or wherever but cousin's boyfriend -> abang Kenzo kiter sleeping like pig. -.-" Headed home early morning then out to west coast. Hang out there with my cousins for karaoke. Then back to Hougang. Evening met (L). Glad that I've gotten back my camera. But anyway, will find out soon more about it. Conditions wasn't like before. Bought balloons for mummy and aunty since there's last minute birthday celebration. Thanks to abang for the cake though he wasn't @ home cause had to report early for camp. Me and (L) was fcuking excited doing the balloons thingy. The celebrations was funny because of mummy and aunty's reaction. It's just funny. Then left to meet (L) mama. Lepak awhile then home. Anyway I had fun time with (L) yesterday night. Had a very very long talk with him @ the void deck. I likeeee! :D
Thanks Muhd Hazwan for the Marlboro Ice Blast! :D
Im just craving for it since its been months not smoking it.
Okay meeting Nana in a while's time. Job hunting. I miss her so much!
Kay bye.
9:20 AM Sunday, June 6, 2010
Boring week.
I could only remember staying home and going out to (L)'s granny house for dinner.
Yesterday was @ AMK 644 watching SCP. There's one point of time, that cheekopek deserved what he gets.
So, have you woke up from living in lies?
We are not stupid and obviously we know you're lying cause we've known the truth weeks ago. When Wan talked to you, why didn't you be frank? And you obviously know who whacked you, but you gave people info, you don't know who whack you. Are you trying to gain sympathy by telling people you were whacked by a group of people?(That was what some said, you were whacked by a group-> Again, by your own mouth) Then after got whacked, you could even have the cheeks to activate your friends when you know it was your fault. What a pity these people actually have so much time to come down and help a cheekopek like you by surrounding Wan. But what a waste, they didn't even get to lay a single finger on him. HAHA. Simple enough, they know it was your fault. And glad enough, another piece of shit from you, definitely they will whacked you. You're lucky, very lucky not to get whacked so badly. Well, goodluck then. Learn stop giving shits, bloody cheekopek. :D
I thought wanna sleepover @ AMK yesterday. But headache, so I headed home. Cooked mushroom soup for myself, and its nice. I just love it, so do my lil brother. Mummy was still awake and sleeps like @ only 1 plus am? Lil brother slept eventually when he sulked. I was damn annoyed cause he kept asking me to give him a treat. He just don't get the point im damn broke now. I was watching some Korean episodes then decided to sleep @ the living room.
Sad story. My tortoise eyes is always close. And it seems like its not eating the food I fed. It's gonna be very very lame if I were to send it to a vet right? I just want to know what's wrong with it. Haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. How uh? Vet or not? o.o
Next week gonna be alot of things happening. And I guess, time for me to prepare being calm.
Mon and Tues - gonna drag myself to find a new job. I hope the retail outlet give me a reply soon.
Weds - Changi Prison then maybe celebrate mummy's advanced birthday with (L). Maybe town or just Tamp.
Thurs - still idk.
Fri - Tag my family to Changi for birthday celebration for June babies. Means got to give the beach party a miss. Damnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
Okay, I guess that's it for now. Will update soon.
3:31 PM Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Im here with my confession
Got nothing to hide nomore
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart
I don't wanna see you cry.
Please, don't let history repeat.
You're sucha disappointment.
Labels: don't bother if every minute it makes me weaker
